INT. OFFICE - MORNING

J.C. reads over Mrs. Stamford's claim.

Mrs. Stamford
What do you mean I made a mistake? I filled it
in exactly as you told me. This all your fault!

Mrs. Stamford pulls a can of gasoline out of her bag. She waves it at J.C., then flicks open her lighter.

Mrs. Stamford (yelling)
Give me my benefits or I'll use all you
government workers for kindling.

J.C.
Ma'am, an agent must first review your claim. We cannot....

Mrs. Stamford
Give me my benefits!

J.C.
Ma'am....

Mrs. Stamford
You'll be the first to burn, freak with no eyebrows.

INT. LIVING -ROOM - LATER THAT EVENING

James is shaking J.C., asleep in a chair. J.C. does not respond.

James
J.C., J.C., I'm talking to you.

J.C.
Huh...your claim will be ready at 5 p.m.

James
J.C. it's me, your roommate. Ol' fishface. Remember?

J.C.
You're not going to believe my day...

INT. OFFICE - MORNING

top

J.C. (V.O.)
Then she poured the gasoline.

Mrs. Stamford
Stand back you government bums!

MAN IN LINE-UP
Hurry it up, can you? I've a train to catch.

Mrs. Stamford (to J.C.)
Freak girl, you'll be the first to burn.

FIVE POLICEMEN burst in.

J.C. (V.O.)
Then the police came and she got taken away.

INT. LIVING ROOM - EVENING

J.C.
But you know what the craziest thing was?
I still had to fill in her claim.

James
Loonies get benefits too, you know. After all, she
paid her premiums. (beat) But why did you chop
your eyebrows? I liked them. They were…well, natural.

J.C.
They were sacrificed. While you were asleep I attended
a pagan ceremony. This was the initiation fee.

James
You look a little like a fish I had when I was
a child. Ah, such sweet memories...

J.C. switches on the TV. The screen flickers.

J.C.
What's wrong with this beast?

James
Portia was her name. She had a big round head....

J.C. thumps the TV.

J.C.
We paid our cable! She thumps it again.

James
If I could just clarify one matter here. We didn't
actually pay. We had to choose between keeping the
phone or the TV, remember? I believe we discussed
the merits of both mediums of communication.

J.C. thumps the TV again. The antennae falls off.

James
I decided that although the TV doesn't talk back
when you get pissed off, the capacity to order a
pizza far outweighs any other benefit the box
offers. Yes, the stomach speaks louder than
the brain. We are animals, after all.

J.C. leaves for the kitchen.

top

James
Take my fish, for example.

J.C. returns with a plastic container of frozen spaghetti.

James
You will observe that they are 90% controlled
by their instincts and genetic heritage.

J.C. tries to eat the food with a fork. It is too frozen.

James
For example, Cichlids are aggressive, whereas
Neon Tetras are rather stupid.

J.C. stabs at the spaghetti a few more times. It does not work.

James
However, they all eat, crap, sleep, and mate.
Eat. Crap. Sleep. Mate. Eat. Crap. Sleep....

J.C. exits to the kitchen. The CRASH of dishes is heard.

James
But it is the other 10% that is most interesting.

J.C. returns with a chocolate bar.

James
The other 10% struggles constantly to achieve
free will over the 90% slave. You can see that
we are not so different from them, after all.

J.C. stops eating.

J.C.
Could you can the philosophizing
for one night? You're making Gran ill.

They look over at Gran.

James
She doesn't speak English, remember?

J.C.
Granny, I'll take care of you, don't you worry. Even if
I get fired and they take everything away and we have
to eat James' fish, don't worry. We'll survive somehow.

James
That was uncalled for.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

J.C. paces. She pauses in front of a cupboard. She takes out a paint can and roller. She pours pink paint into a tray.

top

INT. J.C.'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

She paints the walls of her room.

INT. GRAN'S ROOM - NIGHT

She paints the walls of Gran's room.

INT. JAMES' BEDROOM - DAWN

She finishes painting.

INT. OFFICE - MORNING

J.C. helps a CUSTOMER. There is pink paint in her hair.

J.C.
Next!

The WOMAN next in line hesitates.

J.C.
Next! Next! Next! Next! NEXT!

Mrs. Olive runs over.

Mrs. Olive
J.C., WHAT IS GOING ON?

J.C.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Olive. Problems at home. Granny's
sick. I worry. I have to spoon feed her. And the
fish, they're sick too. Everything's sick.

Mrs. Olive
I noticed you seemed a little stressed lately. Perhaps
you need a course on time management.

J.C. (backs away)
No, no, I'll be fine.

She smiles.

J.C.
Next please!