In Which I Give Up Helping

“Giving up wanting to help or to rescue people is essential if you sincerely respect them.” (Bert Hellinger, German psychotherapist). Learning to keep your mouth shut takes an enormous amount of effort. Your friends can tell you their life is falling apart and you have to almost physical restrain yourself from offering advice. Trying not to feel more together than them in that moment is particularly difficult. Because soon enough your moment will come when you do not feel in the least bit together.

Just by listening you can change more for them than any attempt to offer direction or assistance. We all somehow know what is right for us, but every so often we lose faith and trust. All they need is to be listened to and then their faith that they can find their way out (and yours too) can return that much sooner. I say this because recently a friend came by with stories of her crazy ex and I was somehow pulled into offering realms of advice. After she left I realized I hadn’t served her or myself and a feeling came over me like a sickness. There are rules of the Universe but God knows why we have to learn them from scratch. It makes for an interesting world is all I can say.